If you are looking for information on how to cope in a sexless marriage then I can imagine that your love life is stalled and going no where. Perhaps you are feeling rejected and hurt from your sexless wife or husbands repeated “no” answers when the idea of sex comes up. Perhaps you are fighting depression because of low self esteem caused by this lack of love and intimacy. Or maybe you are just fed up and at the last stray looking for an answer to this sexless marriage you are in.
Whatever your situation may be, I think we can both agree that sexless relationships are bad news and that you have to find a way to fix them! How do you go about this though? What can you do that you have not already done? Is there an answer or is it simply a case that your husband or wife’s libido is now gone and you are stuck with it or have to move on?
My opinion is that nearly all sexless marriages can be made better if you know what you are doing. Very few have no chance and that is usually only if there is something very physically wrong. Lack of sex drive is 90% psychological not physical and if the right triggers in our minds can be flicked the passion can return. Getting your partner in the mood might be a long struggle but it can be done. Here are a few ways to fix sexless relationships and bring it back to normalcy.
- Look to yourself first – I know it is not your fault; they are the one with the problem. However, do you think by blaming them they are going to become more open to better sex? NO. You have to look to what YOU are doing first even if it isn’t fair. By holding on to your pride and expecting them to just change due to your logic or you passion for them you just damage things further. Whatever you have been doing so far has not worked. You have to look into yourself to discover ways to be better first and then this can open the way for your partner to respond. You cannot change someone; you can only lead them to the path to change.
- Discover the hidden resentments – This is a big part of a sexless marriage. Small and large resentments build up and fill their subconscious with thoughts that muffle their desire. Often you might not even realise exactly what these resentments are until you try to uncover them. Practice active listening and try to communicate about our relationship but totally avoid sex. Just try to find out what is bugging your spouse.
- Put aside your resentments – You might think that you have a right to be resentful of the way you have been treated, and while it might seem natural, resentment creeps into everything you do. Every time you talk to your spouse, every action you take can be tainted by resentment. If you are feeling this way you need to find ways to reduce this or eliminate it. You need to be doing everything for the benefit of both of you not just yourself and you need to be honest and without hatred or fear or anger when the subject of sex comes up.
There is so much more to say, but if any of this resonates with you then I suggest you click the link below to check out a very helpful eBook that many couples have used to bring their sex life back to full power.
Coping in a marriage without real physical love and intimacy is a destructive thing that way too many people have to put up with in my opinion. It is an unsaid and humiliating thing too, not many people talk about it in great depth. Sometimes it is referred to jokingly as men and women both complain to their friends about “not getting enough”. Where does the difference between not getting enough sex becomes feeling miserable because you are getting hardly any at all – or in the worst cases NONE at all.
This is what a sexless relationship is. Where the damage from having such a low level of real sexual intimacy becomes a serious issue for your mental health and for the relationship in general. It does not mean that love is not there specifically, but if it continues then love may die as well. It is difficult for a man or women to be rejected so often by their partner, their spouse, their lover! Hell you are suppose to be together for many reasons and one of those reason is sexual love – it is not the be all end all of a relationship, but it is one of the main pillars.
So how does one cope in a marriage without sex and intimacy?
People employ a number of methods and techniques, while others imply suffer in silence. Some do not suffer in silence also but this typically leads to some very bad arguments and the end of the relationship! A few that I have heard of include:
- Meditation – As corny as it sounds this can help some men and women to remain calm and lessen their desire for sex, but also simply allows you to deal with many of life’s stressful situations.
- Pornography – This seems pretty obvious, and I think is a very poor solutions. Pornography addiction is a very dangerous thing and repeated uses of porn can lead to this. It also twists your view of what a healthy and normal sexual relationship is. Moderate use and realising it is fantasy not reality can help but I remain unconvinced.
- Infidelity – OK, this is even worse that porn. I only added this because it came to mind as a way some will deal with a sexless marriage. I think this is awful though so should not be considered. Get out of the relationship if it gets that bad first please!
- Exercise – This is a much better solutions to relei8ev frustration and it is good for you. If you look better that can also help the situation – but it is not the most important thing unless you are VERY unfit to start with.
What other methods do use if you are in coping in a sexless marriage? Please feel free to comment!